Monthly Archives: February 2016

If You Have Nothing Nice To Say…


Brushing up on communication skills is one way that we can enrich our relationships and learn to maneuver the waters of difference. There are several things we can do to accomplish this end. If you examine yourself, you will find areas in which you have used sarcasm to express your dissatisfaction with your mate. Sarcasm, no matter how fluent you may be, is not an acceptable form of communication. Early in our marriage, my wife made it clear to me that I had a great gift for tearing her down with the turn of a phrase—humorously of course. In my marriage, and I hope in yours, the goal is not to inflict pain on my mate.

My entire life I had been praised for my sharp wit and cutting remarks. In the secular world this ability drew people to me by virtue of what today I consider a communication defect. As I drew closer to God, I felt conviction about this.

When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.   -James 3:3-6

James makes no understatement about the damage that can be done by a tongue that is out of control. This tiny body part can destroy people with words of anger and hate. This is why itis imperative to examine what comes out of our mouths, for the destruction can be devastating to marriages and family.

Do you think before you speak? Do you consider the consequences of your words? Often times when we are slow to apologize we are quick to speak. Why do you think that is? When one understands the importance of humility it is easier to tame the tongue. Would you consider yourself a humble person? Would your spouse? What tends to trigger your outbursts? What changes need to be made to better control your emotions and your loose tongue?

©2014 Eric A. Disney, Marriage by Design

Ready to Reactivate Your Marriage? Click on the “About the Book” tab to learn more about Marriage by Design: The Keys to Create, Cultivate and Claim the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted

Leave a comment

Filed under Character, Communication, Emotions

“I Have Feelings Too”

children's emotions

 Your children are counting on you to have their best interests at heart. They need to know you will be available in their time of need.  That means you need to be in tune with your children. Develop a relationship that is based on good communication. It is our responsibility to teach our children to be open with their feelings. Children who do not share their feelings tend to make decisions about those feeling based on their immature perspective of the world.

Since selfishness is so prevalent in our society, it is no great leap to assume that the choices they make will be founded in that same selfishness. Do not fear your children’s emotions. For some reason many parents shut their children down when they become angry, frustrated, or sad. “Don’t do that…you shouldn’t feel like that” is a common response.

Our children have all the same God-given emotions we do, but what is often missing is the social grace in dealing with those emotions.

When the child’s behavior tied to those emotions is destructive, the parent needs to differentiate between the feelings and the behavior that is deemed unacceptable. Make sure you validate the feelings and discuss them with your children. Men (and perhaps some women), for those of you who think that emotions are for girls or sissies, it’s time to grow up. That may require you to sit down with a counselor or pastor and identify the reasons you struggle with emotional expression. Do not invalidate your child’s emotions; rather consider healthy ways to help them express those emotions. Your children are more likely to communicate with you if you allow them the freedom of verbal expression.

©2014 Eric A. Disney, Marriage by Design

Ready to Reactivate Your Marriage? Click on the “About the Book” tab to learn more about Marriage by Design: The Keys to Create, Cultivate and Claim the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted.

Leave a comment

Filed under Behavior, Communication, Emotions, Parenting, Respect