Category Archives: Roles

July 1, 2018 · 10:23 am

I Don’t Make the Rules

Shrugging

With regard to the culturally distasteful notion of submission, it is important, certainly as a Christian, to understand that submission works when both partners are submissive to God first.  There is an accountability that exists between us and God and between husband and wife.  The husband understands that his submission to God means that he will always have the best interest of his wife at heart and display God to wife and family. This selfless behavior makes submission to him an easy commitment for his partner to fulfill.

Parenting has another form of accountability attached to that role.  Parents are accountable to God for the gift of their children. We are called to raise our children in a way that is pleasing to him.  That, by definition, gives us authority over our children. But again we’re called to lead our children by demonstrating the character of God and his love. Remember, children model the dynamics that occur in the home. Do your children obey and submit to your authority?  Do we as parents help our children to achieve the expectations that God has for them?  This may be something for you to consider.  The Scriptures have laid out acceptable and unacceptable behaviors tied to God’s expectations of us and of our children.

Our accountability to God is to raise our children in the ways that he prescribes. As discussed in chapter one, God has the best interest of the husband and wife at heart, and he likewise wants the best for our (his) children.  Children reap the rewards when the parents demonstrate the same care for their well-being as God does for the parents. So too the children are called to obedience and submission.  Children are accountable to their parents (and God) for their actions, and parents are called to be accountable to God in the way they raise their children.

Make your children aware that your parenting decisions—as well as decisions in general—are in collaboration with and submission to God’s authority.  This sets a great example to the kids and also sends a clear message that the decisions you make will not be so easily manipulated since, just as they are accountable to you, you have higher accountability as well.  This is what facilitates the scriptural command for children to obey their parents.

©2018 Eric A. Disney, Marriage by Design

Ready to Reactivate Your Marriage? Click on the “About the Book” tab to learn more about Marriage by Design: The Keys to Create, Cultivate and Claim the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted.

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Filed under Accountability, Expectations, Parenting, Role Modeling, Roles, Submission

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August 21, 2016 · 8:36 am

Different, Not Better

I'm Better than you

When a married couple adheres to their responsibility, the outcome is rewarding. Showing the appropriate regard for our God-given roles produces in our relationship the same attitude as exhibited toward God. What is produced is selflessness, respect, and love for one another in marriage. Is there a better example to set for your children?

First Peter 3:7 calls you husbands to treat your wives in a respectful manner so that nothing will hinder your relationship with God. God has given your wives a unique temperament, the ability to think and reason, and the same grace and mercy that he extends to you. Do not treat them as second-class citizens. Their role of support and contribution is equally important, albeit different from yours.

Men, respect and listen to your wives. They are allowed to present suggestions and opinions in a loving way. God didn’t say that man is the smarter one. Your differences complement each other. Where one is strong often the other shows weakness and vice versa. The marital relationship should not be deemed a competition but rather a cooperative.

Imagine taking two sheets of plywood and gluing them together, the strength of the two sheets now glued together is considerably greater than either one was individually, and so it is with marriage. Marriage is one of the few times in life that one plus one can equal three. There is far greater benefit in working together than would be evident in each of you working individually.

When I’m counseling a couple and the wife appears to be the more aggressive partner, it usually means the husband is taking the passive role and not leading the home spiritually. In too many cases, the wife is the one who takes the kids to church and grows the family spiritually. This is not the role of the wife, but praise God someone is willing to step up. If this is the case in your relationship, I encourage the man to stand up and take his rightful role. It won’t be easy, because your wife has to develop the trust necessary to relinquish that role. This will only become a comfortable situation for the wife over time as the husband shows his consistency. As you both step into your appropriate roles, your marriage will take on a new light. What was once a burden will become easier because you are now working as you were designed to.

In what ways can you, as a husband, “step it up” to better fulfil your role as the leader of your household.  What attitudes have you been carrying that hinder you from moving forward in being the man that you were called to be for your wife and children?

You will be blessed as you grow your marriage.

©2014 Eric A. Disney, Marriage by Design

Ready to Reactivate Your Marriage? Click on the “About the Book” tab to learn more about Marriage by Design: The Keys to Create, Cultivate and Claim the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted. 

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Filed under Behavior, Beliefs, Character, Male Leadership, Role Modeling, Roles, selflessness

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July 10, 2016 · 7:14 am

Men…Submissive?

rings

Men, you need to understand that when the Bible speaks to submission on the wife’s part, you need to take the entire dynamic of Scripture into consideration with regards to this topic.  I guess the real question is, “Wives, why wouldn’t you be willing to be submissive if your spouse was fulfilling his role and modeling God’s love to you?” Ah, there’s the rub.

Submission probably wouldn’t even be an issue if everyone were fulfilling their roles.

Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.            -Colossians 3:19-21

Did you notice? Men are equally bound by submission. In fact, submission begins with the husband by virtue of his role. Paul states in Ephesians 5:1-2, “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” He continues his thought in verse 21, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” The evidence displayed by our Savior through his selfless sacrifice exemplifies his love for us.

The husband is called to honor God out of respect for who he is and by merit of his title, creator of all things and designer of life. This is a foundation for reverence as denoted in the above scripture. His is the example to follow as demonstrated in the life of Jesus Christ.

Men, are you demonstrating submission to your spouse by your relationship with God? Do you lead your household as a Godly example? What are some efforts that need to be made in displaying obedience to Christ?

©2014 Eric A. Disney, Marriage by Design

Ready to Reactivate Your Marriage? Click on the “About the Book” tab to learn more about Marriage by Design: The Keys to Create, Cultivate and Claim the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted. 

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Filed under Character, Male Leadership, Roles, Submission

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September 22, 2014 · 4:27 pm

She is Worth Far More Than Rubies

Value

Ladies bear with me for a moment…

Wives are called to be submissive, by virtue of their role, to their husbands, and the husbands are called to treat their wives and family as God treats him. Submission for the wife involves being a support to her husband. God knew it was necessary that Adam have a suitable helper so he fashioned one out of a part of Adam, his rib. The passage from Genesis 2:20-24 is the well-known foundation for the woman’s role. It is evident that the woman was needed to complete the man; they complement one another. She is called to be an encouraging, loving, and trusting support to her mate. She is called to show loyalty and confidence in her husband.

The biblical design for marriage is entirely countercultural as the media portrays the head of most households to be incompetent buffoons not receiving and apparently totally undeserving of the respect of either their spouse or children. Scripturally, the wife is called to do nothing to jeopardize her support of her man. Proverbs 31:10-31 addresses the character qualities necessary to fulfill this very important role, and the value of a “virtuous woman” is described in this passage as: “She is worth far more than rubies.” Men, keep that in mind, and treat them as such!

In what ways are you treating your wives as the jewels they are?

©2014 Eric A. Disney, Marriage by Design

Ready to Reactivate Your Marriage? Click on the “About the Book” tab to learn more about Marriage by Design: The Keys to Create, Cultivate and Claim the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted

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Filed under Respect, Roles