Monthly Archives: October 2014

October 28, 2014 · 3:52 pm

You Want to Draw Closer? Budget!

Budgeting

Budgeting is a great way to increase intimacy in your relationship. Whether the goal is to hold each other accountable to your budget or to save for some future purchase, you grow together when you strive for the same end. It is important to keep open communication with regard to finances. It doesn’t matter who has the mathematical gift or who actually writes and sends out the checks; what matters is that you are both involved and aware of your debt. Sit down once a month and go over your bills together so that you both are aware of what is coming in and what is going out each month. This way you will be on the same page and there will be less likelihood of distrust creeping in because one spouse isn’t sure about the expenditures the other spouse is making.

Trust is a solid foundation for marriage; don’t let doubt intrude, especially since finances are a key area that can begin to create uncertainty when things are not going smoothly in other areas of the relationship. This is another reason why I do not recommend separate bank accounts. If the marriage is doing well, do not make the finances the place where you begin to lead separate lives. Again we come back to the issue of perceived trust. Once things start to be hidden in a relationship we have laid the ground for doubt.

Are you a spender or a saver? How about your spouse? Are you effective at coming together to set financial goals (Planning vacations, preparing for retirement, children’s education, saving for marital enrichment, etc)? Has trust been an issue in the past with regards to finances? Are you content with the way you handle money? What might need to change in your household?

©2014 Eric A. Disney, Marriage by Design

Ready to Reactivate Your Marriage? Click on the “About the Book” tab to learn more about Marriage by Design: The Keys to Create, Cultivate and Claim the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted

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Filed under Finances, Trust

October 17, 2014 · 8:19 pm

You’re Not the Boss of Me!

Bossy

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting to the Lord. -Colossians 3:18

Ladies, some of you didn’t like reading this, but follow me for a few moments before clicking on another link. Husbands, you listen as well! First of all, if Scripture mentions something more than once, pay attention to it. When we look at submission it is imperative that we examine the flow of the marital roles, how they work together, and how they are unique. The model starts with God at the top, for he is the designer of marriage and all creation. The next two elements (husband and wife) are not ordered in importance but rather differentiated by responsibility of role. Galatians 3:28-29 makes it clear that in God’s eyes we, both men and women, are all equal.

What we know about God is that he loves both the husband and the wife equally with no qualifications. He has at heart the best interest of both people in the marriage. Ephesians 5:23 declares that the husband is the head of the wife. “Are you saying that he is my boss?” the wives may be asking. No, not at all, ladies. What it means is that God has given men a role that is unique to them. Within the context of marriage, the husband is called to be the spiritual leader of the household.

Ah, here is often where the issue of submission becomes derailed. There are many ways to demonstrate the spiritual aspect of our being to our family. If you are weak in this area it will affect your credibility as the leader and the willingness of your family to follow you. Men, stated simply, you are called to treat your wife and family in the same manner that God treats you. It is a tall order, and if you are not tapped into Scripture and cultivating a relationship with Him, you will not know how to lead.

Gentleman, take a moment and assess your effectiveness as the spiritual leader. Are you leading your family in the ways of God? Do you as the spiritual leader demonstrate God to your household? Does your family know that you have their best interest at heart? Do you attend church with the family, demonstrating that it has priority? Don’t expect it to have priority with your children if it has none with you. Are you praying with and for your wife and family? Are you in fellowship with others?

©2014 Eric A. Disney, Marriage by Design

Ready to Reactivate Your Marriage? Click on the “About the Book” tab to learn more about Marriage by Design: The Keys to Create, Cultivate and Claim the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted

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Filed under Male Leadership, Submission

October 5, 2014 · 5:22 pm

Great Expectations!

expectations

What expectations do you have for your marriage? We all have expectations: about our careers, our relationships, our families, our futures, you name it. It is important to know where we are heading so that we can benchmark our progress. And we should assess those expectations from time to time because otherwise they could derail our progress in life and relationships.

Are your expectations for your marriage heading you toward divorce court or marital bliss? Please note that if your expectations lean toward the negative, that will directly affect the way you behave toward your spouse. It will certainly minimize your ability to communicate positively in your relationship. A problem many couples have is that they build on the negatives in the relationship and over time simply stop looking for the good things in their spouse and their marriage. When we feel emotionally distraught, we often look for the things that will support our negative emotions—rather than things that will lift us up.

I encourage you to never forget those things that first attracted you to your spouse. If things have changed, assess yourself and your current behaviors and attitudes. What are you doing to contribute to those negative aspects of your marriage?

©2014 Eric A. Disney, Marriage by Design

Ready to Reactivate Your Marriage? Click on the “About the Book” tab to learn more about Marriage by Design: The Keys to Create, Cultivate and Claim the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted

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Filed under Expectations