Monthly Archives: January 2015

January 28, 2015 · 4:10 pm

Well, That Was Certainly Affirming

acknowledgement 2

One way that we can edify our loved one is through words of affirmation. Merriam-Webster defines acknowledgment as “recognition or favorable notice of an act or achievement; a declaration or avowal of one’s act or of a fact to give it validity.” An acknowledgment is considerably different from a compliment. Compliments are often shallow and fleeting. “I like your hair” or “Dinner was great” are two examples. This type of validation, although nice, doesn’t stay with us for very long. We need to go deeper with our husbands and wives. We need to identify the uniqueness of our spouse, those qualities that first drew us to them. “Thank you so much for defending me to your mother. Tonight I realized that you will protect me and our family.” “It really meant a lot to me that you supported my decision to go back to school and get my degree. I know that we are a team and that you believe in me.”

These examples go further below the surface of who we are and what our spouse really thinks of us. When it comes to acknowledging, consider the traits and characteristics that God has instilled in your spouse. Remember, these were some of the things you first found endearing. Focus on the things that exemplify and demonstrate their creation by God in His image.

Make acknowledging your spouse a regular part of your weekly activities. The more you meditate on the treasure God has given you in a spouse, the more God will reveal to you.

Were you affirmed growing up? Have you learned not to require acknowledgement? Ask yourself, do you think it would be nice to be affirmed once in a while, to know that your efforts in the relationship are appreciated? If your mate doesn’t affirm you, could it be because she doesn’t feel important to you? What do you think might happen if you took the initiative to edify your spouse?  To start, make a list of those qualities that first drew the two of you together.  Thank God, then thank your spouse for the gift he has given you in her.

©2014 Eric A. Disney, Marriage by Design

Ready to Reactivate Your Marriage? Click on the “About the Book” tab to learn more about Marriage by Design: The Keys to Create, Cultivate and Claim the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted

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Filed under Communication, Respect

January 16, 2015 · 1:52 pm

Avoid Playing the “D” Card

Divorce-cut finger image

Realizing how much internal dialogue can affect our behavior, you can understand the importance of removing the “D” card from the options in your marital deck. Also note that just because Jesus condemns divorce, except in the case of adultery, does not imply that God can’t perform miraculous restoration in a relationship even where infidelity has occurred. In spite of adultery, or any other sinful behavior for that matter, God can bring healing to a broken marriage. Forgiveness and repentance can reign supreme. God has the absolute ability to heal the pain and restore such relationships. I have witnessed it time and time again. Understand, however, that a couple must want what God has to offer.

The point here is to make sure that divorce does not become an option for you without exhausting every possibility to make your relationship not just work but flourish. If the potential for divorce is always a viable option, you will increase the odds of that card being played. Assess your internal belief system and ask yourself the question: is it time to make some adjustments and prioritize your marriage rather than your escape plan?

Did you experience the loss and pain of divorce growing up?  What messages were you sent with regards to divorce?  What reason(s) could you give to justify playing the “divorce card”?  What does Matthew 5:31-32 speak to you?  Again, even in cases of infidelity, although stated as a reason to divorce, we still know how God feels about the subject.  Nor does this reason override the healing and restorative power of Jesus when we place our relationship in His hands.

©2014 Eric A. Disney, Marriage by Design

Ready to Reactivate Your Marriage? Click on the “About the Book” tab to learn more about Marriage by Design: The Keys to Create, Cultivate and Claim the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted

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Filed under Divorce

January 4, 2015 · 1:55 pm

Count on Accountability

accountability

A young man, early in his career, served as a sales representative for a prominent firm. One of his jobs was to travel to all of his accounts and make sure that everything was running well. As a man, he knew how he was wired, so he created a defensive battle plan. He asked a good friend to hold him accountable because he knew that the odds of participating in questionable behavior when he was hundreds of miles away from home increases. Satan loves to whisper to us, “Nobody out here knows you. How could you possibly get caught?”

Some of his accounts were located in sin city, Las Vegas, and once every six weeks or so he was obligated to travel out there and spend the night. His plan was simple. His friend would call him at about eight o’clock on the evening of his arrival, after he was tired and alone in his hotel room—also a time of potential vulnerability. He chose as his accountability partner a friend he respected and would not lie to, someone he trusted and whom he gave permission to speak truth into his life. Over the course of the two years of having to face this temptation, he was absolutely successful, praise God. Accountability is important to both men and women. Just as important is to continually wash your mind with the Word and meditate on what Scripture has to say.

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.  ~Colossians 3:5

Ask yourself, who do you give permission to speak truth into your life? Who have you designated as your accountability? We are placed together in fellowship to help and lift up one another. Who do you lift up?

©2014 Eric A. Disney, Marriage by Design

Ready to Reactivate Your Marriage? Click on the “About the Book” tab to learn more about Marriage by Design: The Keys to Create, Cultivate and Claim the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted

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Filed under Accountability, Character