Sometimes we have behaved a certain way for so long that we are not even aware we are doing it. Even if we can’t see it, God can. Some common impediments to a fulfilling relationship may have developed over time, a byproduct of years of pain. These assumptions may also be a result of beliefs and lies about yourself, or marriage in general, stemming from your family of origin when growing up. They may involve control issues, where our own insecurity forces us to hold on tight to our mate, often to the point of strangling the love out of our relationship.
Remember, there should be freedom in love. The misconception that love should just happen (“If they loved me the behaviors would be effortless”) is simply that: a misconception. Another is the old mindreading game of “If they really loved me they should know.” Or how about “My spouse and I should be doing everything together. Our love should be enough. Why do we need others?” What about friends? What about God? Another common belief that trips us up is “If my mate doesn’t tell me they love me on a continual basis, they must not.” The real question is why do you need so much affirmation? Just something to consider. These are some examples of the thinking that goes into undermining marital relationships.
Do any of these misconceptions strike a chord with you? Can you identify the root of these misconceptions in your own life? How have they affected your relationships past/present? What steps might you take to reshape these faulty beliefs?
©2014 Eric A. Disney, Marriage by Design
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