Have you come to place in your relationship where some assessment may be necessary? Fact of the matter, you should be periodically assessing your marriage. It’s much easier to work through the issues in a relationship while they are small and manageable. For some reason, many people wait until the violations are so deep that coming back from the damage is a very difficult proposition. Mind you, I did not say impossible! Has the reality of your marriage left your marital expectations in the dust?
If this is the state in which you find yourself, you may be asking, “How do I not only achieve some relief but hopefully move this ailing union forward?” I want to encourage you, it may be time to stop addressing the seemingly endless negatives about the other person. Our tendency is to gather as much evidence as possible to support the reason you feel the way you do about your spouse. This only feeds the negative attitude. At this point it is important to find and focus on the positives.
You need to periodically identify what behaviors were occurring when things were better; in other words, what was I doing differently (or, doing right)? Notice that your spouse is not being addressed here. There is good reason for that. One of the keys to a healthy relationship is that both parties involved take responsibility for their own attitudes and behavior. I am more interested in you than your spouse for the simple reason that you do not have the ability to change them, only yourself. If, however, you begin to take responsibility for your own behavior and focus on positive improvements, it certainly can affect the dynamics of the relationship.
Ponder the following scripture. As you do, listen to what God has to tell you. This may take more than a few minutes because sometimes our own hurts prevent us from wanting to hear what God has to say in a given situation.
Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know. -Jeremiah 33:3
What does this scripture speak to you? Go someplace where you can be alone, someplace comfortable and with no intrusions. Now make a list of six expectations you have for the future of your marriage. Once your list is completed, go back and reread it. Do you find more negatives in your expectations list than positives? What current behavior(s) might you need to change to move the marriage back to a time when it was more fulfilling? Ask yourself what positive behaviors you did in the past that you are no longer doing. Once you’ve identified theses behaviors you’ve complete half the job. Yes, the other half is implementing them without expecting anything from your mate at this point. “Well, why should I do it if they won’t even acknowledge it!” Why? Because it is the right thing to do. Now that IS YOUR responsibility!
I pray blessing on you and that God give you the strength to do what’s right.
©2016 Eric A. Disney, Marriage by Design
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