There are many ways to build our foundation of intimacy as a married couple. One that some don’t consider is the refining process that occurs when couples go through trials, crisis and life changing events together. Going through trials together certainly builds intimacy in a relationship. The interesting thing about trials is that they often force greater reliance on God, thereby offering an opportunity to grow in our faith.
We do not want to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.2 Corinthians 1:8-9
Sometimes the challenges that couples go through are incredibly difficult. When two people are on the same page and working toward the same ends, the pain is considerably reduced by having someone to share them with. It is essential that couples be willing to share difficult circumstances with one another. Men are notorious for stuffing situations so as not to trouble their wives. Let your wife see inside you and understand your troubles; let her encourage and support you. If something is bothering you, odds are that you will make it known whether you say anything or not. When you become quiet or grumpy, your spouse will suspect that something is wrong. This leaves the spouse to feel responsible for your behavior when it may have nothing at all to do with them. If there are only two people in a room and one of them is obviously upset, it stands to reason that the remaining person must have done something to offend the other. This is often how people think, whether it’s accurate or not.
It is often very helpful to receive input from a source that can give you a perspective that perhaps you can’t see, being so close to the problem. Utilize the gifts that God has given your mate. Minimally, there is a cleansing process that occurs when you lay out the difficulties that you are struggling with rather than trying helplessly to filter through the emotional frustrations of carrying destructive baggage on your own. Whether the crisis is personal in nature or one that plaques you as a couple, remember, at some level you will both be affected in one form or another so work it together.
When couples have the opportunity to work problems through to resolution together, they feel a great sense of accomplishment and it strengthens the marriage and increases intimacy. You guys signed on as a team, play like one!
I pray blessing on you and that God give you the strength to do what’s right.
©2017 Eric A. Disney, Marriage by Design
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