November 20, 2014 · 5:49 pm

Being Thankful – A Messy Business

Thankfulness

As Thanksgiving rapidly approaches many of us contemplate the blessings we have received. For some it’s a time to remember that in spite of the economy, they are still employed. Other are in peak physical shape, grateful to be healthy and strong. Some stare into the faces of their sleeping children, thankful for the blessings their little ones have brought to their lives. It’s also a time to thank all your dear friends for being such an influence in your life, for speaking truth and for investing in you their love and concern. Perhaps your current relationship has so grown and enriched you that you could never consider being with another, your mate has flown you to the pinnacle of happiness. You have been blessed with great financial gain allowing you to do things that you use to only dream about. Others are so incredibly blessed that they have been approved for the home that they have always wanted. So many blessings!

What about the rest? What about the father of the family of four that has been laid off? What about that middle-aged woman who just yesterday received a cancer diagnosis? How about those couples who have been trying to have children for years but live out their disappointment in silent misery? Perhaps the year has been littered with the passing of friends and relatives, who will fill the holes left in their hearts? The neighbor’s wife has filed for divorce leaving him devastated. A kindly store owner is going through the throes of bankruptcy, about to lose everything that she has devoted her life to, what about her? What do they have to be thankful for?

Why do we, who have been so blessed, take that momentary pause to reflect on what has been bestowed on us? Why do we take the blessings for granted? Take that moment and change your focus. If you have been blessed, thank God for what He has done for you. Focus outward, let God use you to bless someone else. Yes, as a Christian, we know that God works through the good and the bad in our lives. So many of the hardships we endure are a consequence of the state of our fallen world. Some don’t “feel” God’s presence, for others He is a complete stranger.

“We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” -Romans 8:28

Don’t lecture those in strife, help them. You know people right now who are suffering and experiencing trials. Are you ready to get messy…and not just today? Are you willing to invest your giftings, your money, your time, your love in blessing the rest of God’s creation? Are you ready to demonstrate God’s love whether they know Him or not. You can be that example. Let others see the difference in you that only God can make. Live it, don’t just talk it! I challenge you, look around, can YOU give others a reason to be thankful? I trust that you will not have to look far for that answer.

Yes, be thankful, not just Thanksgiving day, everyday!

Blessings to all of you and your families and God bring you peace.

Eric A. Disney

©2014 Eric A. Disney, Marriage by Design

Ready to Reactivate Your Marriage? Click on the “About the Book” tab to learn more about Marriage by Design: The Keys to Create, Cultivate and Claim the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted.  It’s a great gift idea for those couple’s that are close to you.

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Filed under Character, Thankfulness, Thanksgiving

November 9, 2014 · 7:08 pm

Your Child Is Not An Adult…Yet.

Parentification

Too often parents approach their children as if they were at the same maturity level that they are. Your child is a child, so adjust your expectations of their behavior, reasoning ability, and emotional state. Remember, they should not be acting just like you. If your expectations of your children are unrealistically high you run the risk of doing considerable damage to their sense of self. They will feel defeated by the fact that they can’t attain the goals you set for them. Feelings of failure are sure to ensue. Be clear about your expectations for your children. If expectations are vague and unspecified you place the child in a lose-lose situation. As with adults, it is vital that children can benchmark success in their lives. If they don’t know what is expected it is unfair to punish them when they fail to reach the goal.

Where do your expectations of your children come from? Did your parent(s) have unrealistically high or unspoken expectations of you growing up? How does this affect you today? Need to make some adjustments?

©2014 Eric A. Disney, Marriage by Design

Ready to Reactivate Your Marriage? Click on the “About the Book” tab to learn more about Marriage by Design: The Keys to Create, Cultivate and Claim the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted

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Filed under Expectations, Parenting

October 28, 2014 · 3:52 pm

You Want to Draw Closer? Budget!

Budgeting

Budgeting is a great way to increase intimacy in your relationship. Whether the goal is to hold each other accountable to your budget or to save for some future purchase, you grow together when you strive for the same end. It is important to keep open communication with regard to finances. It doesn’t matter who has the mathematical gift or who actually writes and sends out the checks; what matters is that you are both involved and aware of your debt. Sit down once a month and go over your bills together so that you both are aware of what is coming in and what is going out each month. This way you will be on the same page and there will be less likelihood of distrust creeping in because one spouse isn’t sure about the expenditures the other spouse is making.

Trust is a solid foundation for marriage; don’t let doubt intrude, especially since finances are a key area that can begin to create uncertainty when things are not going smoothly in other areas of the relationship. This is another reason why I do not recommend separate bank accounts. If the marriage is doing well, do not make the finances the place where you begin to lead separate lives. Again we come back to the issue of perceived trust. Once things start to be hidden in a relationship we have laid the ground for doubt.

Are you a spender or a saver? How about your spouse? Are you effective at coming together to set financial goals (Planning vacations, preparing for retirement, children’s education, saving for marital enrichment, etc)? Has trust been an issue in the past with regards to finances? Are you content with the way you handle money? What might need to change in your household?

©2014 Eric A. Disney, Marriage by Design

Ready to Reactivate Your Marriage? Click on the “About the Book” tab to learn more about Marriage by Design: The Keys to Create, Cultivate and Claim the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted

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Filed under Finances, Trust

October 17, 2014 · 8:19 pm

You’re Not the Boss of Me!

Bossy

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting to the Lord. -Colossians 3:18

Ladies, some of you didn’t like reading this, but follow me for a few moments before clicking on another link. Husbands, you listen as well! First of all, if Scripture mentions something more than once, pay attention to it. When we look at submission it is imperative that we examine the flow of the marital roles, how they work together, and how they are unique. The model starts with God at the top, for he is the designer of marriage and all creation. The next two elements (husband and wife) are not ordered in importance but rather differentiated by responsibility of role. Galatians 3:28-29 makes it clear that in God’s eyes we, both men and women, are all equal.

What we know about God is that he loves both the husband and the wife equally with no qualifications. He has at heart the best interest of both people in the marriage. Ephesians 5:23 declares that the husband is the head of the wife. “Are you saying that he is my boss?” the wives may be asking. No, not at all, ladies. What it means is that God has given men a role that is unique to them. Within the context of marriage, the husband is called to be the spiritual leader of the household.

Ah, here is often where the issue of submission becomes derailed. There are many ways to demonstrate the spiritual aspect of our being to our family. If you are weak in this area it will affect your credibility as the leader and the willingness of your family to follow you. Men, stated simply, you are called to treat your wife and family in the same manner that God treats you. It is a tall order, and if you are not tapped into Scripture and cultivating a relationship with Him, you will not know how to lead.

Gentleman, take a moment and assess your effectiveness as the spiritual leader. Are you leading your family in the ways of God? Do you as the spiritual leader demonstrate God to your household? Does your family know that you have their best interest at heart? Do you attend church with the family, demonstrating that it has priority? Don’t expect it to have priority with your children if it has none with you. Are you praying with and for your wife and family? Are you in fellowship with others?

©2014 Eric A. Disney, Marriage by Design

Ready to Reactivate Your Marriage? Click on the “About the Book” tab to learn more about Marriage by Design: The Keys to Create, Cultivate and Claim the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted

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Filed under Male Leadership, Submission

October 5, 2014 · 5:22 pm

Great Expectations!

expectations

What expectations do you have for your marriage? We all have expectations: about our careers, our relationships, our families, our futures, you name it. It is important to know where we are heading so that we can benchmark our progress. And we should assess those expectations from time to time because otherwise they could derail our progress in life and relationships.

Are your expectations for your marriage heading you toward divorce court or marital bliss? Please note that if your expectations lean toward the negative, that will directly affect the way you behave toward your spouse. It will certainly minimize your ability to communicate positively in your relationship. A problem many couples have is that they build on the negatives in the relationship and over time simply stop looking for the good things in their spouse and their marriage. When we feel emotionally distraught, we often look for the things that will support our negative emotions—rather than things that will lift us up.

I encourage you to never forget those things that first attracted you to your spouse. If things have changed, assess yourself and your current behaviors and attitudes. What are you doing to contribute to those negative aspects of your marriage?

©2014 Eric A. Disney, Marriage by Design

Ready to Reactivate Your Marriage? Click on the “About the Book” tab to learn more about Marriage by Design: The Keys to Create, Cultivate and Claim the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted

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September 22, 2014 · 4:27 pm

She is Worth Far More Than Rubies

Value

Ladies bear with me for a moment…

Wives are called to be submissive, by virtue of their role, to their husbands, and the husbands are called to treat their wives and family as God treats him. Submission for the wife involves being a support to her husband. God knew it was necessary that Adam have a suitable helper so he fashioned one out of a part of Adam, his rib. The passage from Genesis 2:20-24 is the well-known foundation for the woman’s role. It is evident that the woman was needed to complete the man; they complement one another. She is called to be an encouraging, loving, and trusting support to her mate. She is called to show loyalty and confidence in her husband.

The biblical design for marriage is entirely countercultural as the media portrays the head of most households to be incompetent buffoons not receiving and apparently totally undeserving of the respect of either their spouse or children. Scripturally, the wife is called to do nothing to jeopardize her support of her man. Proverbs 31:10-31 addresses the character qualities necessary to fulfill this very important role, and the value of a “virtuous woman” is described in this passage as: “She is worth far more than rubies.” Men, keep that in mind, and treat them as such!

In what ways are you treating your wives as the jewels they are?

©2014 Eric A. Disney, Marriage by Design

Ready to Reactivate Your Marriage? Click on the “About the Book” tab to learn more about Marriage by Design: The Keys to Create, Cultivate and Claim the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted

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Filed under Respect, Roles

September 12, 2014 · 3:22 am

What Is Love?!

Love

The entire concept of love has been so twisted and warped by our society that many don’t know the difference between love and lust.  Merriam-Webster defines lust as “intense or unbridled sexual desire: lasciviousness.” Further defining lasciviousness we read “lewd, lustful.” The synonyms include bawdy, coarse, crude, filthy, indecent, and obscene to list a few. The antonyms include clean, decent, and wholesome. The same source definition of love states, “strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties, attraction based on sexual desire: affection and tenderness.” Synonyms include “attachment, devotion, admiration, fondness and passion.”  Antonyms listed are “hate, hatred, and loathing.”

Love has become a “no strings attached proposition,” all about the momentary physical pleasure with little or no regard for the other(s) involved in the sex act. There is a distinct difference between “making love” and “having sex.” The difference involves what motivates those involved. The act of making love in a committed relationship involves respect, selflessness, and communication. For those who are unaware, I would encourage you and your spouse to sit down together and read through Song of Songs. You will discover one of the most beautiful stories of love and affirmation in all of Scripture. This book unfolds the story of a bride and her bridegroom exploring their love for one another and their love for God. Of course these are not the only scriptures that offer guidance as to the design for marriage, but they will certainly give a solid foundation to start.

©2014 Eric A. Disney, Marriage by Design

Ready to Reactivate Your Marriage? Click on the “About the Book” tab to learn more about Marriage by Design: The Keys to Create, Cultivate and Claim the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted

 

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Filed under Love, Sexuality