Marriage by Design

March 18, 2015 · 8:12 am

Reflection at the Resurrection

Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever. 1 John 2:15-17

When we look at some of the most important values as defined by God, what do we find? They include self-control/discipline, humility/lowliness of self, and good stewardship which leads to generosity of our resources. This set of scriptures hits hard and calls for some self-examination. When we align our values with God how do you measure up?

Are you defined by your impulsiveness? Quick to speak and slow to listen, careless in your personal prayer life and Bible time, are you on a constant quest to fill your cravings with what the world has to offer. How much of your time and resources are dedicated to quelling our personal desires. Is the lack of balance a common symptom in your life. Strike One!?

Do you justify your own selfishness by your sense of entitlement? Does your schedule have a greater priority than your service to God? Do you spend all of your time at work to feed your need for accolades? Has your family/children taken a back seat because their expectations and needs do nothing to elevate your sense of self? Whenever we come to the point that our own personal comfort outweighs the needs of others, we have forgotten what Jesus came to teach. Strike Two!?

Have your hobbies become more of an occupation? Does tithing consist of the few odd coins that you place in the basket as the plate comes around on Sunday morning? Does your the accumulation of material things fill you more readily than knowing how missionary support impacts the needy. Do you find yourself seated in a casino with little regard for how your family bills will be paid? Strike Three!?

If you struck out, take a moment as we approach the upcoming Resurrection Day. Easter is the day that we celebrate the risen Christ. He is alive and so is His word. Jesus came to this earth to teach his Father’s values. However he did so much more than just teach, he demonstrated. Just because you struck out does not mean that the game is over. Don’t pout on the bench because you didn’t measure up! Jesus understands your failings, yet he still wants you in the game. He is very much alive and gave his all…for you! Let this Easter be your resurrection as you remove your death garments and let him lay on your shoulders the garment of righteousness.

The world can have the world. You can have so much more. Be blessed this upcoming Easter and always!

Ready to Reactivate Your Marriage? Click on the “About the Book” tab to learn more about Marriage by Design: The Keys to Create, Cultivate and Claim the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted.

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Filed under Character, Easter, Selfishness

March 4, 2015 · 8:26 am

There Should Be Freedom In Love

Sometimes we have behaved a certain way for so long that we are not even aware we are doing it. Even if we can’t see it, God can. Some common impediments to a fulfilling relationship may have developed over time, a byproduct of years of pain. These assumptions may also be a result of beliefs and lies about yourself, or marriage in general, stemming from your family of origin when growing up. They may involve control issues, where our own insecurity forces us to hold on tight to our mate, often to the point of strangling the love out of our relationship.

Remember, there should be freedom in love. The misconception that love should just happen (“If they loved me the behaviors would be effortless”) is simply that: a misconception. Another is the old mindreading game of “If they really loved me they should know.” Or how about “My spouse and I should be doing everything together. Our love should be enough. Why do we need others?” What about friends? What about God? Another common belief that trips us up is “If my mate doesn’t tell me they love me on a continual basis, they must not.” The real question is why do you need so much affirmation? Just something to consider. These are some examples of the thinking that goes into undermining marital relationships.

Do any of these misconceptions strike a chord with you? Can you identify the root of these misconceptions in your own life? How have they affected your relationships past/present? What steps might you take to reshape these faulty beliefs?

Ready to Reactivate Your Marriage? Click on the “About the Book” tab to learn more about Marriage by Design: The Keys to Create, Cultivate and Claim the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted.

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Filed under Love, Misconceptions, Self-Talk

February 19, 2015 · 10:46 am

Who Are You Modeled After?

When talking to men who struggle to lead their families, often I will ask them how their fathers modeled manhood to them. Many times they concede that they have had to figure it out for themselves because Dad was either always working, too busy, emotionally unavailable, distant from their wives, or even had affairs scattered on the horizon. None of which sets a great example. Bottom line, they had no earthly model. Guys, our God wants to be that model for you. We need to develop a close relationship with God so that we can have a healthy relationship with our wives and children.

Men, if someone is talking to you in a normal tone of voice from an office six doors down, are you likely to hear them? If you walk down to their office and continue the conversation, naturally you are going to hear what they have to say. The same goes with our relationship to God. Draw close to God and let him show you how to lead your family spiritually. In this way you can fulfill God’s calling on your life. You have a greater accountability to God by the design of your role in marriage. Your goal is to live up to it to the best of your ability.

Who are you modeled after? Where did you learn what a man was supposed to look like? As far as negative traits that you picked up, did you learn too well? To whom are you a model? Are you happy with the example you set? It’s not too late, lay your imperfections at the foot of the cross and begin to align yourself with Him. It’s never too late to better yourself. It’s what God want’s for us all.

Ready to Reactivate Your Marriage? Click on the “About the Book” tab to learn more about Marriage by Design: The Keys to Create, Cultivate and Claim the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted

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Filed under Male Leadership, Parenting

February 9, 2015 · 9:17 am

A Valentine of Hope – The Power of Restoration

Whenever someone experiences car trouble, one of two things must occur. First, if you have been blessed with a mechanical aptitude, you will pop the hood and do a step-by-step analysis to determine the problem, then repair accordingly. Second, if you fall into the category of people of which I am a member, you will call your mechanic to have them take a look at the situation. The experts will evaluate and diagnose the problem and make any repairs necessary to your car, hopefully putting it back into the state prior to the breakdown. Marriage is very much the same way. When things start to break down it becomes necessary to evaluate and repair the relationship. The great thing is that if both spouses are willing to put forth the effort, complete reparation is possible. We need to remind ourselves of what kind of God we serve. He is the God of miracles. He is also a healing God, and a God of restoration.

In the book of Amos, Israel is being punished for falling into sin, and the house of David has fallen. God had made a covenant with David, stating that one of his descendants would always sit on the throne. In Amos 9:11, God declares, “I will restore David’s fallen tent, I will repair its broken places, restore its ruins, and will rebuild it as it used to be….” You and your spouse have also made a covenant with that same God. If you will allow him to lead, he will take your marriage on a journey of restoration like you never thought possible. But remember, it will be necessary for you to slide over and let God take the wheel.

Depending on the state of your current relationship, what will be necessary for you to put forth the effort required to enhance your marriage? Have you communicated those needs? It may be necessary to bring in a third professional party. Would you be willing to allow a mediator to input some suggestions to move your relationship forward? What are you willing to do? Do you trust that God can restore your marriage? Why/Why not?

Valentine’s Day is about stepping outside of yourself and honoring the other. Don’t just say it with flowers, that’s a cheap effort when we are experiencing marital problems. Invest in your relationship and the flowers next year will smell sweeter and have far more meaning. Be blessed!

Ready to Reactivate Your Marriage? Click on the “About the Book” tab to learn more about Marriage by Design: The Keys to Create, Cultivate and Claim the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted

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Filed under Communication, Restoration

January 28, 2015 · 4:10 pm

Well, That Was Certainly Affirming

One way that we can edify our loved one is through words of affirmation. Merriam-Webster defines acknowledgment as “recognition or favorable notice of an act or achievement; a declaration or avowal of one’s act or of a fact to give it validity.” An acknowledgment is considerably different from a compliment. Compliments are often shallow and fleeting. “I like your hair” or “Dinner was great” are two examples. This type of validation, although nice, doesn’t stay with us for very long. We need to go deeper with our husbands and wives. We need to identify the uniqueness of our spouse, those qualities that first drew us to them. “Thank you so much for defending me to your mother. Tonight I realized that you will protect me and our family.” “It really meant a lot to me that you supported my decision to go back to school and get my degree. I know that we are a team and that you believe in me.”

These examples go further below the surface of who we are and what our spouse really thinks of us. When it comes to acknowledging, consider the traits and characteristics that God has instilled in your spouse. Remember, these were some of the things you first found endearing. Focus on the things that exemplify and demonstrate their creation by God in His image.

Make acknowledging your spouse a regular part of your weekly activities. The more you meditate on the treasure God has given you in a spouse, the more God will reveal to you.

Were you affirmed growing up? Have you learned not to require acknowledgement? Ask yourself, do you think it would be nice to be affirmed once in a while, to know that your efforts in the relationship are appreciated? If your mate doesn’t affirm you, could it be because she doesn’t feel important to you? What do you think might happen if you took the initiative to edify your spouse? To start, make a list of those qualities that first drew the two of you together. Thank God, then thank your spouse for the gift he has given you in her.

Ready to Reactivate Your Marriage? Click on the “About the Book” tab to learn more about Marriage by Design: The Keys to Create, Cultivate and Claim the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted

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Filed under Communication, Respect

January 16, 2015 · 1:52 pm

Avoid Playing the “D” Card

Realizing how much internal dialogue can affect our behavior, you can understand the importance of removing the “D” card from the options in your marital deck. Also note that just because Jesus condemns divorce, except in the case of adultery, does not imply that God can’t perform miraculous restoration in a relationship even where infidelity has occurred. In spite of adultery, or any other sinful behavior for that matter, God can bring healing to a broken marriage. Forgiveness and repentance can reign supreme. God has the absolute ability to heal the pain and restore such relationships. I have witnessed it time and time again. Understand, however, that a couple must want what God has to offer.

The point here is to make sure that divorce does not become an option for you without exhausting every possibility to make your relationship not just work but flourish. If the potential for divorce is always a viable option, you will increase the odds of that card being played. Assess your internal belief system and ask yourself the question: is it time to make some adjustments and prioritize your marriage rather than your escape plan?

Did you experience the loss and pain of divorce growing up? What messages were you sent with regards to divorce? What reason(s) could you give to justify playing the “divorce card”? What does Matthew 5:31-32 speak to you? Again, even in cases of infidelity, although stated as a reason to divorce, we still know how God feels about the subject. Nor does this reason override the healing and restorative power of Jesus when we place our relationship in His hands.

Ready to Reactivate Your Marriage? Click on the “About the Book” tab to learn more about Marriage by Design: The Keys to Create, Cultivate and Claim the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted

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Filed under Divorce

January 4, 2015 · 1:55 pm

Count on Accountability

A young man, early in his career, served as a sales representative for a prominent firm. One of his jobs was to travel to all of his accounts and make sure that everything was running well. As a man, he knew how he was wired, so he created a defensive battle plan. He asked a good friend to hold him accountable because he knew that the odds of participating in questionable behavior when he was hundreds of miles away from home increases. Satan loves to whisper to us, “Nobody out here knows you. How could you possibly get caught?”

Some of his accounts were located in sin city, Las Vegas, and once every six weeks or so he was obligated to travel out there and spend the night. His plan was simple. His friend would call him at about eight o’clock on the evening of his arrival, after he was tired and alone in his hotel room—also a time of potential vulnerability. He chose as his accountability partner a friend he respected and would not lie to, someone he trusted and whom he gave permission to speak truth into his life. Over the course of the two years of having to face this temptation, he was absolutely successful, praise God. Accountability is important to both men and women. Just as important is to continually wash your mind with the Word and meditate on what Scripture has to say.

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. ~Colossians 3:5

Ask yourself, who do you give permission to speak truth into your life? Who have you designated as your accountability? We are placed together in fellowship to help and lift up one another. Who do you lift up?

Ready to Reactivate Your Marriage? Click on the “About the Book” tab to learn more about Marriage by Design: The Keys to Create, Cultivate and Claim the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted

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Filed under Accountability, Character

December 25, 2014 · 7:08 pm

Do You Have Evidence to Support That Belief?

Think about your favorite Agatha Christie mystery movie. The apparent villain has been apprehended by the steadfast constable. The astute old lady, who has spent years reading detective magazines, has done a little research of her own. Turns out the chief inspector was a bit hasty in pointing the finger of guilt. Our elderly armchair detective has been less hasty. When all is said and done, and after our dear lady has presented the pieces of the puzzle to the reluctant and often frustrated chief inspector, he has no choice but to reconsider his stand. The real culprit is apprehended after, no doubt, an exciting confrontation with our amateur sleuth, guns a-blazing.

What is the point of my dramatic buildup? Ask yourself: what is going to be necessary to convict the criminal, the actual perpetrator of the crime? Evidence! Your objective is to challenge those beliefs that you have about your relationship and your spouse. Are they beneficial or destructive? If you believe them to be accurate, upon what evidence do you base them? If you have no evidence in support of a belief, why are you holding onto it? What might happen if you choose not to accept that belief?

Remember, it is okay to examine what you believe; in fact it is highly recommended. This is one way to address the lies that lead to faulty thinking. The continual gathering of evidence to support what you believe will only expose the lies or reinforce healthy beliefs, neither of which is a bad thing.

We cycle through hundreds, even thousands of thoughts every day. Think about some of the disagreements/arguments that keep surfacing in your relationships/marriage. Can you identify what belief you are holding onto that perpetuates these conflicts? Plug them into the questions asked in paragraph two; are you being reasonable?

Ready to Reactivate Your Marriage? Click on the “About the Book” tab to learn more about Marriage by Design: The Keys to Create, Cultivate and Claim the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted

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Filed under Expectations, Self-Talk

December 11, 2014 · 3:53 pm

An Early Christmas Present

I was just sitting here this morning reading through the Scriptures, just minding my own business, and where do you think God took me?

We brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. 1 Tim. 6:7-10

Why, when I was reading this, did I think first of this holiday season? Christmas for the Christian is a time to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior. A life of great importance, a sacrifice beyond any we have ever encountered, for a purpose many simply don’t understand. “Why would Jesus Christ come to earth in the flesh to die on the cross and pay the price for our sins?” “I am hardly worth the trouble.” (An entire topic for another conversation) Believe it or not, understand it or not, it happened! How then, I ask you, does this stern warning regarding the love of money bring up thoughts of Christmas?

I think it all plays into the issue of idolatry. What have we chosen to worship in lieu of offering our praise and worship to the messenger of our salvation? It’s sad to say that at this holiday season the priorities of people become abundantly clear. I have found myself guilty of stacking the Christmas wish list with little goodies that feed my flesh and NOT my spirit.

We get so caught up in buying the best and most expensive presents for others simply for the accolades that we will get when they open it. Our present has to the best because you know it reflects on us (and we get to rub other’s faces in it). This is the time of year that we get to gorge ourselves on all the things that we wouldn’t think of touching the rest of the year. All care is abandoned to the wind. We skimp on our tithe to purchase things for ourselves (“they are on sale!”) because we don’t have the patience to wait to see if we get it for Christmas. Perhaps we cease giving all together because traditionally we so overspend that we don’t have the money to make ends meet and our church giving is the first to be sacrificed. In honor of the birth of our savior we summarily dismiss discipline and many of the things that Jesus preached against in his lifetime.

This is the season when churches, charities and other organizations are most hit with the needs of others. I want to encourage you, eat out a few less times, reduce the amount spent on gifts, don’t spoil the children with incredible excesses. Ask yourself, “Could I impact the life of another on the amount that I am going to spend on this (fill in the blank)?” During the holiday season most churches take a big hit in their tithing and yes, the bills still need to be paid. If you’re asking, “What has my church done for me?” I would first say, God will forgive you your selfishness. and secondly, if you can say that you’ve never received from your church, I’m not just talking money, perhaps you need to find another church. On the whole, I don’t believe that to be the case.

All of these things, they are not the reason for our Christmas celebration.

You can still have a fun and sane Christmas holiday. Watch your budget, stay out of your savings, except Christmas Clubs. Don’t buy to impress others, impress God with your discipline. Gift-give modestly and within your means and share your love abundantly!

Most importantly, focus on the meaning of Christmas. If you’ve forgotten, grab the family and pop-in “A Charlie Brown Christmas”. Little Linus has got it right…out of the mouths of babes?

God bless you and have a joyous Christmas Holiday!

Eric A. Disney

Ready to Reactivate Your Marriage? Click on the “About the Book” tab to learn more about Marriage by Design: The Keys to Create, Cultivate and Claim the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted. It’s a thoughtful Christmas gift for any couple’s in your life.

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Filed under Christmas, Finances, Idolatry, Selfishness

November 30, 2014 · 10:12 am

Lead From Character

Interestingly, God does not lead from his position of authority, he leads from his character. Many of these qualities we are called to emulate as his creation. However, some of God’s character qualities are not passed down to his creation, including omnipresence (is everywhere), omniscience (all-knowing), and eternal (always existed and not bound by time).

Some other attributes, including wrath and jealousy, do not show that God loves us any less. The fact that he detests sin only serves to prove that he wants what is best for us. He knows what sin produces in his creation. As with any good father, just discipline is the consequence of a child’s bad behavior. Character attributes that we can experience include wisdom (Job 12:13), faithfulness, truth (Titus 1:2), mercy (Exodus 34:6), grace (Romans 3:23-24), patience (Psalm 103:8), peace (1 Corinthians 14:33), and righteousness (Deuteronomy 32:4) to name a few.

God offers us free will, the choice to follow his lead and live out these character qualities. As most of us do not respond well to dictates, God leads from the characteristics that show his love, grace, and mercy. As Christians we are called to share God and his Word in love, the way Jesus did. As husband and wife we are called to personify those same characteristics that God shows in his love for us. I would hope that the men can see further implications with regard to being the spiritual leader of the home.

How have you been measuring up? For men, as a spiritual leader, what are your “strong” points? What are your “weak” points? For all in positions of leadership, describe your “strong” and “weak” characteristices as well. What reasons would any of you give for your “weak” areas? What prevents you from turning them into “strong” areas? How can you remedy this problem?

Ready to Reactivate Your Marriage? Click on the “About the Book” tab to learn more about Marriage by Design: The Keys to Create, Cultivate and Claim the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted

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Filed under Character, Leadership

Marriage by Design

Reflection at the Resurrection

There Should Be Freedom In Love

Who Are You Modeled After?

A Valentine of Hope – The Power of Restoration

Well, That Was Certainly Affirming

Avoid Playing the “D” Card

Count on Accountability

Do You Have Evidence to Support That Belief?

An Early Christmas Present

Lead From Character

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